Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. That is me. I still have hope. I am still looking for love. I remember my first fiancé; he was my first true love. I was engaged to him for 3 years. We were together a total of seven. I was still a sophomore in college when we got engaged. Back then I was still veiled in the cloak of “my prince charming will come and sweep me up and ride off into the sunset with me.” It was a good place to be. Times were different then. We planned to get married once I got out of college. I spent the last two years of college pouring over Modern Bride magazines and planning out the perfect wedding.
It would have been perfect. It would have been perfect if my mother had not decided that she had to live out her wedding thru mine. There were my plans. Isn’t the bride supposed to plan the wedding? It is not her day? Not he mothers, the bride. The biggest issue was music. I have played the violin all my life (compliments of my mother) so of course I wanted violin music for the wedding. I wanted string playing all the music, jazz and classical. Pachelbel’s canon was what I wanted playing when I walked down the aisle. The reception would be mainly jazz I had planned a classy wedding. It would have been beautiful.
Enter mommy dearest and I mean that in the literal sense. It is what I have had since birth—a mommy dearest. (No more wire hangers!) No joke! Well, she decided that she wanted to have organ music and finally after days of debating the music she said that if there was not any organ music and I could not have any classical or jazz, she was not paying for the wedding. She refused to talk to me about anymore plans. I was on my own. And in addition, she said she was not coming if I did not have the things she wanted at the wedding. I was crushed, yet again. I remember thinking –while still in college—that a wedding was a big thing with a big bill. There was no way I could do it or my fiancé at that time. We were still in school.
I felt so defeated. How could she do this to me? How could she hijack my wedding and refuse to pay for it. She said if she had to pay for something it was going to be what she wanted at that wedding. I would have no say if I went with her plan. Well, I still continued to buy Modern Bride magazine but without a hope of having a nice wedding. In the end my mother pretty much ruined the relationship with my first fiancé. She was and still is a toxic person. Remember the book about Toxic People? That is what I am dealing with.
I met other men and date and got married but she was not involved. I got married at the justice of the peace, no fan fare, no violins, no beautiful white dress. That –having a big, beautiful wedding is one of my dreams. I will have that one day. As an adult I still have hope, or rather hope has come back. I will have to do it on my own, but it will be done my way. Now I just have to find the right man.
When two people get married, there can be a challenge in bringing two different cultures together, with each bringing in family traditions. You may wonder how to combine the two when organizing the wedding and reception of your dreams.
The key is that this is “your” day as a new couple. It is not wholly based on the dreams or ideas your family may have in mind for you. It all comes down to the decisions that you and your fiancé make together. You want everything to run smoothly, so you may compromise by adding in traditions from both families. Including mix of customs may be a good thing for you. As you come together in marriage, you have the opportunity to start your own family traditions as a couple.
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