FORGET IT

Everything that has happened along the way—forget it.

Forget about the first love that broke your heart.

And forget about the last break too.

Forget the time a friend you thought was best pushed a knife in your back.

Forget the words and the spite that resound in your head.

Forget the trauma that injured your flesh or your bones.

Forget the rejection you felt when someone failed to recognise your value.

Forget the tears that cleansed your soul.

Forget the mistakes that everyone makes.

Forget what you gave, without return.

Forget the mistrust, the resentment and the jealousy.

Forget about lies, betrayal and deceit.

Forget about the ones that got away—they were not meant.

Forget the time someone tripped you and caused a fall.

Forget the times you gambled but forgot you could lose.

Forget about whispers and gossips and stories—it is all an illusion, the truth only lives in one self.

Forget about rules and regulations—make new.

Forget about thinking—let the mind sit still.

Forget about time—let your heartbeat decide.

Forget about fear, it will paralyse—it is useless.

Forget about perfection, it is unobtainable—imperfection is true beauty.

And forget about forgetting—allow the release to happen. Naturally.

Then try as you can, to remember this…

Everything is already a part of you, the lessons have been learned, the memories etched and the effects have sunk in.

There is no need to hold on—it all already exists, so allow it. Let it just be. Without grasping.

Without pressing repeat.

It all had a purpose, once, long ago. Even if it was yesterday, or a minute ago—it has now passed. Past.

So just breathe…and breathe again. Deeply.
Right here, right now.

You are alive. You survived. In this very moment, this one… here…

You can choose. Choose to live.

Run. Fly. Wildly.

Begin again.

And begin to feel alive.

Feel.

Everything and nothing and all in between––feel it all. Flushing through your veins––let it in, let it sit and then let it go.

Slowly, but very surely, replace all of the forgotten with all of the new.

Add to it, mix to it, blend whoever you were, who you are now with who you are about to become.

Alchemy—turn it to gold. Turn you. It is easy. Try. All of you. Every part.

Stir the storms with the rainbows, the pleasure with the pain. Create.

Forget the old. Sprinkle in new.

Stardust. Magic. Wanderlust. Mystery. Moonlit skies. Forests. Deserts. Sparkle. Dance. Have faith. Go. Find. Don’t look far. It is there. It always was, always has been. Right there, right here. Right now.
Be free.

And each time you are overwhelmed, or hurt, or angry or in pain—go back to the top, read once more, unlearn, forget and begin again.

 

Thoughts on a Saturday Morning: Love

Saturday.  I so want to get back into updating this blog.  I feel the urge to write now.  It seems like I have a lot to say and I need to get it out.  My muse seems active where she has been sleeping for such a long time.  Last night I saw "Their Eyes Were Watching God."  I saw this movie many years ago but somehow did not really remember it.  I certainly did not remember it or feel the impact from all the emotion portrayed in it.  I can so identify with Halle Berry's character.  I think I have always been like her, wistful and looking for love and not always finding it. 

It was such a great, but short lived, love story.  In the end I could not feel sad because Halle was given the world everyday and she loved  and lived in that "everyday," even if it was for a short time.  I want that.  When I look back on my few loves I don't think I ever had that.  Not even once.  No one has given me the world everyday.  I do believe I THOUGHT I was getting that and I believe my partner THOUGHT he was giving me that...but no.  NOT! I don't think I ever got that limitless,  unconditional, boundless love.  I know that now looking back.  I know I gave that sort of love to one in my life and it was not returned.

Now at these later years I wonder if I will ever achieve it.  I have stopped looking for love.  I stopped looking many years ago when my child was young and there was no time for that.  My days were filled with the work of two jobs, a baby and diapers.  Now there is more time and I am not sure how to start looking, even if I wanted to.  There is also the big question: If I were to look would I find it or does it need to find me?

I know my hope has been that love would find me.  I have forever been waiting to be swept away on the shiny waves of love; to be raised up on its' swells and left filled when it left me on the shores of life.  To know that it was there when the seas were calm or when the summer storms arose.  Even when the pull of the moon made the tides wild and left of center, I would know and feel love was always there. 

Now I wait. And hope.  There is always hope.  I want someone to give me the world everyday. I know I can give that back.  I'm that kind of girl.  Life should be lived and lived with those you love.  Especially those who give you the world.  "Love is like the sea.  It is a moving thing and different on every shore."  I am waiting. On the shore.  Gazing at the deep blue sea.

Truth!

Notes on the News

Notes on the news.  After working all weekend, I feel a little disconnected from what has been happening in the world.  The bits I have been able to pick up from the weekend is that the California police are going crazy.  The rogue officer they are trying to catch...you know the one with all those grievances who is now targeting officers and their families...well the regular police are all going crazy.  They have made two extreme errors in identification and shot up a grandmother and granddaughter who were delivering newspapers in a pick up truck. Since when do two females look like the male they are trying to find??  The police shop up the truck. Luckily no one died. 

Then it happened again.  They shot up the truck of a WHITE surfer.  Since when is the one they are looking for white?  He is a black male.  It is sad because it lets you know that the officers who are on the force are not properly trained, have no good judgment and obviously no investigative skills.  I am glad to say that I do not want to live anywhere in that region right now.  Anyone innocent can fall victim to the bad decisions of the police there.  Someone needs to get some control.

The next news bit was about the pope.  Having gone to all Catholic schools, I have been immersed  into the Catholic faith having to study religion all those years.  I am not catholic and never have been.  I saw the Christmas mass and the pope looked very frail then.  He even needed help with that.  I do feel for him.  He is retiring or resigning due to health issues because he can no longer do the job.  I just hope that he will have some time to enjoy his time off and that he is not so sick that he is just sick and nothing else.  I hope he can have a little good quality of life. 

I did not see the Grammy's.  I never watch those award shows.  Instead I watched my favorite show, Downton Abbey. Love it!  Bates is back and the whole gay conspiracy has been resolved.  Not the way I thought but that is okay.  At the end we saw the preview that next weeks show is the finale.  Much too short but such a good show!  Can't wait for season 4! 

I am sure that there is much more going on in the world but I guess I will have to catch up this week with the morning and evening news! 

Thoughts to Ponder

Change in the Wind

Well.  There has been a great change in the wind.  It has been a long year and three months being unemployed.  Finally! Finally I have found a great new job with great new pay.  It is a new day.  It has been good to get back into the swing of things, getting out of the house and getting back into a routine.  Thank God!  I am looking to the new challenges and new ideas and ways of thinking my new position will bring my way!

Oh!  And something to remember.  The day may not always go great but there is something great about every day.  And whether it feels like is or not, the universe is unfolding exactly as it  is meant to be.

Cherish Each Moment

Heart Always Wins!

”It’s impossible” said pride. “It’s risky” said experience. “It’s pointless” said reason. “Give it a try” whispered the heart! ~~Anonymous

Waiting

Snapshots In My Time...Of My Time.....Hauntings.

Waiting is a terrible thing.  It can drain the soul of hope.  That is where I am today.  Not everyday, but today, this hour, this time, this second.  Waiting has a life.  At first it is filled with hope and anticipation that is really a good thing.  Spirits are high. That life is buoyant and  might even add some pep to your step. Time begins to pass and waiting changes.  It becomes first a lesson.  A lesson in patience and endurance.  The life of waiting changes to something hard and in the end becomes a force that will cut to the bone.  First we are patient or so we tell ourselves and we will ourselves to wait.  We tell ourselves waiting is good.  It will all work out in the end.  We tell ourselves this and even convince ourselves of this.  So waiting will become just a little bit tolerable.  More tolerable.  We wait.  We wait.  We wait some more. Then things start to happen. Things begin to come apart and then the waiting becomes a thing that can be our undoing.  We fix things.  We rob peter to pay paul.  We make adjustments.  We might even have to give up things we have cherished for so long.  Things that are dear and have much meaning.  It will take will and much thinking about them to let them go.  But they do.  We let them go.  Just a few things ago. It is the sacrifice we make to waiting.  We give them up and hope that we can somehow get them back.  Some things we cannot get back. We hope. We wait.  Then to much time has passed we begin to wonder.  Wonder what has happened. Some things that are in the mix are not because of our doing.  It may be due to the meanness of others. Things they did in the past increase the wait.  Some of the waiting is not your fault and cannot be undone.  Cruel circumstances add to the wait.  Hope begins to wane.  So many things are now lacking.  So many things are precarious.  Life on the edge.  Life on the edge is not good.  Waiting becomes a terrible, crushing thing.  It takes my breath away.  It runs away sleep.  The days become filled with exhaustion and worry.  Waiting weighs on my soul.  Much like the albatross, it is always there.  You can never really be away from it. So....no matter how I try to move things along, things move at their own pace. Trying to make things happen to stop the waiting sometimes works but not often.  After a while it becomes so hard.  Hard to keep smiling when all you want to do is cry.  Hard to keep going to you are so tired of trying to keep the plates in the air.  They are beginning to fall and break with no repair.  Hard to keep waiting.  Hard to keep living.  Waiting.  Waiting is hard.  Waiting is tiring.  Waiting breaks the soul.  Hope flees into the darkness.  It peeks out from time to time only to run and hide deeper once it see waiting controlling everything.  Waiting.  Waiting is death from within.

Be Responsible for the Energy You Bring!

Snapshots In My Time...Of My Time.....Hauntings.

Evil Is as Evil Does

Snapshots In My Time...Of My Time.....Hauntings.

Don't be deceived by evil.
It does not go away.
It hides in plain sight behind smiles and a few good deeds.
It lies in wait and it can wait a long time.
Just long enough for you to forget the sting from the last exposure.
You forget and it waits.
Waits for the right moment to sting again.
When it shows its hideous face it is a surprise.
You wonder how you could have forgotten!
How could you forget?
You let your guard down!\
How?
After the last time you were going to be ready.
Ready with a remark or churlish word.
Ready for the brouhaha.
Ready to try to beat it.
But...you can't beat evil.
You can only be aware.
Never let your guard down.
Don;t be deceived by evil...
It never goes away.

Admit It!

Snapshots In My Time...Of My Time.....Hauntings. 

One of my FB friends posted this and I bet it is true for many.  In my case I have been reading but now mainly on my kindle.  I have not stopped reading but I do find that it is taking me a lot longer to finish books.  I am distracted by FB, Twitter, Tumblr, Foodspotting, Foursquare.  You name it!  I am a social media addict.  

I still have a child at home so I do think it is still critical that children see their parent reading.  I have been reading to and with my child since she was an infant.  Now she does not read so much for pleasure now.  Most of  her reading is just for school.  I do encourage her to read books just for fun, but her time seems limited.  She too, is caught up in social media.  As a parent I do encourage her to "unplug."  Books and reading books as we used to when we were kids is soon becoming a thing of the past.  

Time With Teens

Snapshots In My Time...Of My Time.....Hauntings.

I do not know about other parents but I have a great teenager.  I want to say that I take 100% credit for it.  I think I can claim most...it was how I raised her.  She is a delight to be around.  Except for the occasional "clean up your room" hassle,  we really have not had any issues at all.  She is a young women who is thoughtful and kind with a good head on her shoulders.  She is a blessing.  Spending time with her is a joy.  I know that time with her is limited because she will be flying the coop all too soon.

She will be making her way out into the world.  I just hope I have equipped her with all she needs.  I think about that alot.  Did I do all that I could to teach her the skills she needed to make it in the world?  Did I do it right?  Can I still do more? I guess parents do second guess themselves at times.  Whatever I missed hopefully she will be able to figure out herself.  A parents dream is for their kids to do well.  I know mine will.  With God's grace.

Time to Carpe Diem

You would think that I would  have a lot of time on my hands but I don't. Weird how that happens.  THINGS just come in and suddenly all the time in the world you thought your would have is not there.  I make lists and have mental lists of things I want and need to do. Some things get done and some don't.  I wonder if we ever really have time to waste away.

I really think about this when I hear about people who are famous, retiring.  You get that announcement that some famous sports coach is retiring and then  it seems that within a month or two they die.  They do not get to enjoy their retirement at all.  Seems criminal to me.  Like the joke is on them.  Whatever vacation plans with the family and just taking it easy never even had the chance to happen. Why is that?  And is seems it does not happen to only the rich or famous.  Locally I have heard some things like that happen as well.  They retire and within a week a heart attack happens and they are dead.

Seems like cruel and unusual punishment.  All those years of work and not time to rest and relax.  Some of my friends have said it was the retirement that did them in.  Can that be possible?  The shock of not having a job to go to caused  a sense of bewilderment, disorientation and stress. The lack of a list, an agenda, a meeting, a crisis....could that have caused stress that lead to death.  I do not know. It all seems so unfair.

We do not know the hour we will be called, so we need to live each day like it is our last. Really.  Not many of us do this.  Me included.  I think we would get so much more of out each day if we did.  Carpe diem.  Everyday and all day.  Carpe Diem.

Monday, Rain and the Ocean

I woke up today and it was Monday.  Monday.  The sun decided to sleep in.  There is no sun.  There is only the gray of a rain day.  Rain.  Rain on a Monday dulls the senses of most.  But not me.  Rain on a Monday is fun.  It makes me think of ocean times.  Not the sunny ocean.  The gray stormy one.  Waves cresting and daring you to come in.  Daring you to come in to your death. Those are the waves on Monday when it rains.  The ocean gets sick on rainy Mondays.  It spends that time fed by the wind, crashing itself upon the shore and vomiting  up treasures from the deep.  I love to look at what was left behind after the drunken binge of the wind.  Sand dollars, special shells, star fish and other things thrown up from the deep.  Treasures of the sea we normally do not see.  Monday and the rain brings up treasures from the deep.

Posers

Posers.  With this economy has come the birth of posers.  I spend a lot of time in book stores and coffee shops using the free wifi and what I have noticed is that a lot of posers have come out of people losing jobs.  I see men dressed in suits sitting in Barnes and Nobel for  hours using tables like they are their offices.  I guess the local coffee shops and book stores with WiFi had become virtual offices.

There was a man sitting behind me this morning in black pants, gray shirt and sweater vest with his laptop and appointment book all set up.  At first glance it looked like he was actually working.  He was in a way.  He was looking for jobs.  But he gives the appearance that he already has one.  I only found out the truth when a woman that he knew walked up and asked him what he was doing now since he had left.  Well he then said he would give her the three minute version which turned out to be the 30 minute version.  He sells insurance and is between companies.  Medical sales is also something he has done as well.  Sales.  Not good.

I worked in the past in an office for an insurance company as an admin/support type person.  I was in the HR department, recruiting specifically.  The majority of the men and women who came in looking for sales jobs had no other alternative.  For some reason they were unable to get jobs in other fields whether it be from past arrests, legal issues, severe financial issues, the inability to pass a background check or they had done something that made them on the black list from a past employer.  The people I saw were the dregs of the employment world.  There were a few who genuinely liked sales and had been in the field for a long time.  They really were the few.

The man behind me had been looking for a long time an was trying to line up interviews this week with other insurance companies.  It is hard out there and I know he is trying.  He is and has been apparently looking relentlessly for work.  I hope he finds it.  He is a poser and I have seen many other posers like him too.  It is hard.  If you are used to getting dressed for work, looking the professional everyday, I guess it would still help to stay in that mode.

I guess I used to be a poser.  I used to get up and get dressed when I first was laid off, then I stopped.  No need.  My focus became to look the part when I needed to...when networking, going to job fairs and going on interviews.  Casual is my dress at my local coffee shops and book stores now.  Looking for work does not mean that I have to look like my office is now the book stores.  When I stopped being a poser some of the anxiety and stress left me.  It is stressful enough being without work and looking constantly.  The strain  of keeping up a public image was just an unneeded worry.