The Not So Good News Weeks

I think that this has been the most horrible two weeks of news ever!  Planes being shot out of the sky full of innocent people, the countries involved blaming each other for the disaster and loss of innocent lives, nothing resolved in the kidnapping of the girls in Africa, parents leaving multiple children in cars to die, the middle east exploding in conflict. Children from South America and Mexico flooding the boarders. I do not think things in the world could get any worse.  But they can.  They will. 

I like to keep up with what is happening in the world but it seems none of it is good.  The news has been depressing, to say the least.  I wonder where the good in the world is.  It could be that the world was always this terrible but we did not know about it.  With the development of social media, satellites and our advanced technology, we know what is happening in the most remote parts of the world almost instantly.  Prior to all this technology we simply were not that well informed.  Was it better?  Was it better to be more ignorant of what the rest of the world was like?  

For "average citizen me" it makes me aware of what good I can do in my little corner of the world.  I can be the good that I want to see in the world.  That is all we can do.  Be good and do good where we are.  That is no solution for all the injustice in the world but it might make things better right where you are.  Where you live.  Where you make a difference.  Make a difference in the life of someone.  You will never know how your kind gesture can affect people or situations.  So.  Just do it. Be good and shine where you are. 

Pretty Face...Ugly Soul

No matter what you do to your face, whether it be to apply makeup or even go so far as to have work done, it will not change your soul.  If the doctor did a good job, you might look good.  You eyes might not be too round or too slanted, your skin may be smoother and less lined,  and mentally, you think you look all better. 
Fortunately the outside is not all the people see.  Smart people see the inside.  The inside is what really counts.  It is the only thing that defines you as a person...how you treat others.  You can still be a viper, but a pretty one.  You still can be evil, but look 5 years younger.  No matter what you do to the outside, you might have a pretty face but your soul is still ugly!

Evil Is as Evil Does

Snapshots In My Time...Of My Time.....Hauntings.

Don't be deceived by evil.
It does not go away.
It hides in plain sight behind smiles and a few good deeds.
It lies in wait and it can wait a long time.
Just long enough for you to forget the sting from the last exposure.
You forget and it waits.
Waits for the right moment to sting again.
When it shows its hideous face it is a surprise.
You wonder how you could have forgotten!
How could you forget?
You let your guard down!\
How?
After the last time you were going to be ready.
Ready with a remark or churlish word.
Ready for the brouhaha.
Ready to try to beat it.
But...you can't beat evil.
You can only be aware.
Never let your guard down.
Don;t be deceived by evil...
It never goes away.

Time Keeps on Ticking Away

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

Well today my Saturday was not my own. I had to take my mother out shopping. She was going to a birthday of a cousin of ours and only was going to get a hat. The party was themed. Everyone had to wear a dress hat. Well there is only one store near us that has the kind of hats she needed..Burlington's Coat Factory. Well, we had to go to the mall and stop at store after store and finally the entire day was wasted on just driving her around to window shop. We did not make it to the store for hats until 3:30. The party was at 6, so she had just enough time to get a hat and go home, rest for just a little while and then get ready. I had to take her to the party.

Well, my whole day was shot. I then spent the next 3 hours doing laundry. No time for me or to do anything that I wanted to do.

Well, a different cousin calls today wanting to know if we could come to their house for a picnic next Saturday. She called this morning. My mother asked if I had anything planned. I kind of did. There is a jazz festival coming that I was thinking of going to. My mother told her that I did not have anything really planned so we could go. Now after today. That will be changing. Next Saturday will belong to just me. the only planned thing I have to do is laundry.

Laundry is an issue because when my father died in December, I moved in with her in March. All of my worldly possessions are in storage. My washer and dryer are in storage. Since then mom's washer broke and she is refusing to let me bring my washer to her house. Why? She does not want me to use her electricity. From the very beginning she made up some rule that she did not want me to use her machine or dryer. She was afraid they would brake. Totally irrational and stupid. It is now broken because it is very very old. Apparently it was already broken and my father was patching it up and keeping it going. Now since he is gone, he is not here to patch it up. Her not wanting me to use the washer and dryer is just a control issue with her.

The thing is she has to take her own clothes to the laundry mat and she says that is fine with her. Well, since it takes now hours for me to do clothes, I do not have hours to give up to her or anyone else on a Saturday, unless I make that decision. Next Saturday..just for me. Will that cause a problem this week. Yes. I can already see the fights and chaos we will have this week. But that is okay. I just do not have the time to give up on a Saturday when 3 hours of it is already committed to spending unneeded time in a laundry mat.

Back Again

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

It has been awhile. I have been busy with being busy. I have been job hunting and trying out various things here and there. Some new things are in the works. But whatever I do, I will be grateful that I will be out of the house. I think that my mother needs to find something to do with her time. She has focused all her negative energy on me. She says that I do not do anything fun with her. How can you do anything fun with someone who is always saying rude, insulting things to you? You will do as I do. Take them to run errands and shopping as needed. But fun stuff? No. No reason to try to do anything fun as she is not fun to be around. Just the necessities. She can't get that for some reason.

She can't get that if you insult someone for no reason day in and day out and with no cause at all, that that person would not want to be around you. All my things are still in storage. This is not worth it. I may a monthly fee to keep my stuff, but I really want to move out. There is no comfort here.

A Culinary Disaster

Snapshots In My Time...

Of My Time.....Hauntings.

This is a culinary disaster not of own. I made a wonderful dinner on yesterday that would last about 3 days as leftovers. Barbequed chicken baked, rice and green beans. It only had 20 minutes more to cook and I had to leave to go out. I asked my mother to watch it for me and just to turn everything off at 5:20m. How hard is that? Not very. She did not have to watch anything, stir or check anything. Just turn everything off. It was all on low and at the end of cooking.

Well she did not do that. She let it burn up and when I got home this was waiting on me. Her note of explanation and the chicken. I know that this was done on purpose as she has done it before. This is just one of many times she has done this. Whenever I make something and ask her to turn it off she ruins it OR if I make something and it is done she will at times alter it in an effort she says to stretch it or improve it. It is just something to ruin whatever I make. She only does this when she is mad about something and the something is normally something most imaginary. It is nothing based in reality.

Am I cooking anything else today? Hell no. She is on her own for food. I will eat out by myself! A nice meal at a restaurant.

A Sunday Cup of Crazy

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

Last Sunday I got up to go to church like any other Sunday. I proceeded to get ready to go and I noticed that my mother was not getting ready. It was about 20 minutes before time to go and I asked her if she was going. She was not and the sunday cup of crazy spilled over. She began to rant about all sorts of things that made no sense at all. Well she was mad and decided that she could not go to church that day because of me. She said I had snubbed her the sunday before because I did not sit by her in her Sunday school class. Now this is a class that she has been going to for over a year by herself. I joined in the last 6 months. I sit where ever when I walk in. Sometimes I sit by her, sometimes I sit by others if I have a few words to talk with them about before the class begins.

Well, crazy came out last week and mom decided that she was making a new rule. I must sit right next to her in class. Can we say ridiculous? With a capital "R." This is about control. She does not want me to socialize and have fun with friends or other people. So she is trying to control me socially. I told her that if I needed to talk with someone I was and I had something to say to the person I sat down next to that morning. She kept insisting over and over that Ihad snubbed her. I was not going to apologize because I had done nothing wrong. I finally said whatever and walked away. But it got so much worse than you can imagine...she began to throw up things she did not like about me from high school and imagined things that she said I did to her back then. It was insanity materialized. I walked away.

Well, yesterday was of course Sunday. What did she do? I got up, got ready and she was milling around doing nothing. I did not ask her if she was going. Just got ready. She is a grown women with a grandfather clock. She knows the time. Well, what she did was get ready at the last minute so that we arrived 20 minutes late. That was also a control tactic. If we get there and the class has begun I won't have time to speak to anyone. The minister teaches our class and he hates lateness. I went to class and she decided she was going to the sanctuary. Why? Who knows. Well, she arrived 10 minutes after I did.

We are not joined at the hip. I will not comply with her rule that I must sit right next to her at all times. It does not make sense. I can't get up and speak to other people when I need to . Control. Those games are not working anymore. Next Sunday, if she is not ready to leave home at the right time. I am leaving without her. I am not going to be late again because of her game playing.

Indian Giver

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

The Indian giver has come out or is about to. I remember her from years ago. Whatever thing my mother gave me, if she decided to --for whatever reason--she would take it back. Anything. Food, clothes, Whatever. The last time she tried that was in the early 90's. It goes way back.

My grandfather lived with us right before he got really ill and had to be placed in a nursing home. He was using his furniture that was massive wood furniture from the early 1900's or earlier. Well, he died just about the time I was finishing college and I had no furniture to put into my apartment. Mom would not let me have my bedroom furniture that I grew up using. She was into her mood and said that I could have nothing of hers. She was giving me nothing at all to move out with or start out with. (can we say evil bitch?) I could have my grandfathers furniture since it did not belong to her. So I moved out with just bedroom furniture. No chairs, sofa, dishes, curtains. Nothing!

I had nothing for a long time. I finally did ask my father to cosign for some furniture for me and he did when my mother was out of town. She was livid when she found out. That he had lifted a finger to help me. Well, I had the old furniture and I cleaned it up and got it looking presentable. It is still what I have now. In the early 90's she came to where I was living and saw that old furniture, now looking very good. She then said she wanted the furniture back. I told her she was not getting it back as I was told it was mine. I could not have anything from her house so I left with just my grandfathers furniture. I told her it was never a loan. She claimed it was. I told her it was never a loan and she was never getting it back.. She had not claim to it. That was the end of that.

After that time, she would mention on and off that I should sell the furniture and get new. I told her never. I was quite happy with my antique furniture.

My father died in December and she just gave some money to my brother and I from his estate. She gave me a check last week. Well, today is Sunday and since that time she has watched all my comings and goings. If I come in, empty handed she wants to know what I bought. Obviously nothing as I have nothing in my hands. Tonight I went to Barnes and Noble just to get away from her and to get a break from the constant dribble. After about 30 minutes, she wanted to know what I got there. Told her I just went to look around.

We have an agreement that I am to assit with some bills. I am not working now partly due to her and while I have not helped with bills. ( I just moved in about 3 weeks ago), I have helped with everything else. I run this house, do all the cooking, cleaning and drive her whereever she needs to do, do the gardening, help take care of her dog. I am contributing more that you know. Her suggestion? That since I am spending my fathers money that I give it to her. Pay her now for bills. I told her no. That money has not been touched and that I will not be able to help her with bills until I begin working. I can't. I have cobra and dental bills and all the final bills from my old place now due.

I felt really like I was in a place of mind and spirit that she used to keep me in all the time when I was a child...beatdown and with no option. That feeling came back when she said that I needed to give her my inheritance back. Just give it back. After being upset for about an hour...that was my purpose of going to Barnes and Nobel..to get away, I realized that I have an option. To stand by my NO! I have the money. She has no way to get it back. I am not writing her a check. That old pattern is not going to repeat now. I am going to stand firm. If you do not, it lets evil bullies like her know that they still have the upper hand. She does not have that power over me any more.

Evil. Evil is real and it is my mother.

People of the Lie

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

I am just about to finish People of the Lie by Scott Peck. It is one of the most inciteful books I have read so far this year. It has been key in pointing out and confirming some things I have always thought and known. There is real evil in people. I am concenred about this because I have had to move back home since my father died in december and I now know for sure that evil is alive in my mother. Real evil and I mean REAL. It was always there as a child and since I have been back, I know it is still there. Sad for her. Bad for me, but I am equipped to deal with it now, as an adult.

Battles are being waged and so far I am ahead. One of the things the book points out is that evil people project their evil onto others. They are constantly saying others are evil and bad but it really is them. They cannot look at themselves at all. Evil people are very narcissistic and that is her as well. All of the following apply:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

In addition, evil people tend to scapegoat others. She is trying that and trying to be a bully. Confrontation is the only way to stop a bully, so as I said before wars are being waged and I am winning. I won't back down. I have kids to protect from her evil. It is a shame as she will most likely never change. She sees nothing wrong with herself at all. She is perfect in every way. Say a prayer for me. Times will be most trying!

Are there really evil people in your life? Then review this post and blog about it. You will even get paid to do so!