January 06, 2007

Serenity in Death

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

Is there serenity in death? I think there is and I think my father found it. He was not in the best of health when he passed away on December 22, 2006. He had been on oxygen for the past six months. He did not always use it like he should have and spent a lot of time out of breath and unable to do much because the exertion was just too much. He was stubborn that way. He did not like to use the oxygen like he should have no matter how much my mother begged him. Even the doctor had to ask him on one of his visits some months ago, " What are you saving the oxygen for?" He was stubborn that way.

The night before be died, he had had a restful night. Most nights he was up coughing chronically or had to sit in a chair sitting up, just to get a little rest. He had colds often and as it turned out some of that was fluid retention. It is hell getting old! Well, the night before he had a good night. He told my mother and his doctor that he had slept all night and did not have to get up at all. He even looked rested and refreshed. Maybe he was being prepared for eternal rest. His last night here was the most restful he had had in months.

He had looked so thin and worn the last few months, I had begun to get scared for him. I was glad that he did not have to suffer anymore with that chronic cough and shortness of breath. I arrived on the scene just as the EMS was leaving with my mother. I followed after in the car. I did not get to see my father until he was gone. I wondered frantically if he was in a better place. Free from illness. He was.

He came to me. I thought it was a dream, but it was different somehow. I was alseep but at the same time awake. I could hear myself talking to me, saying you must be sleeping. this can't be real. He came to me and he was transformed. My father did not say anything so that his lips moved. He was smiling and I knew he was happy, at rest and at peace. He was transformed in that he looked younger and not drawn anymore. His hair was black and curly and he was dressed as he always did. In a plaid shirt. I got the feeling he came back to assure he he was okay. I am so glad he did.

I told him I loved him. He smiled. I told him twice with such great anguish that I cannot even describe it, that I just wanted to see him again once more. He continued to smile. He told me that it would be a long time before I saw him again. With that feeling of being surrounded by love, he left. I finally woke up and everything that had happened seemed like it had happened while I was awake. I know it wss real. The dead do come back. I believe that, to give assurances to loved ones who really need them. I know my father is happy, in a better place and with our heavenly father. There is serenity in death.


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