February 09, 2007

Looking Inward

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

I am not sure what to do. The one thing that keeps coming back to me is to focus on me. No one else is. So I must do it. I have tried or been focusing on work, others, friends, others needs and not so much my own. I am to the point where I do not want anything that is not about me in my life. I think it is time for me to be selfish about me and pamper myself. Otherwise, I will have worked my life away for others and gained nothing for me.

I think of work and starting and how the people the managers partnered me with wanted to do nothing to help me. They were not mentors or even good co-workers. They stayed in their cliches and were not friendly to me at all. They boosted themselves up and propped up themselves and advanced. I had to make my own way struggling hard against everything. I have tried to go with the flow and follow the plan. Others have suseeded where I have not. Others have gotten rewards where I was overlooked for doing better than the rewarded ones. It is hard in the corporate world. Hard to swim against the sharks.

Me? Today I feel the bloody stump of what used to be my arm. The sharks have been feeding for awhile. I can't grow it back. Too many years have passed and there is no time to make it up. I need to get out of the water but I do not know how. I do not even think I can. The pools in which I swim are drying up and getting lower. Other bodies of water not to far away are contaminated for me. I do not think I could even swim there.

Normally I do not feel so defeated but I know what is supposed to happen at the decade mark. It has not happened to me. It has happened to others. The rows of the shark's teeth are many. As soon as I begin to surface , they come gleeming and sharp, knashing and biting and holding me down.

The rows of a shark's teeth are shiny. The rows of a shark's teeth are deadly.

I am dying in a stagnant pool of brackish water.


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