October 19, 2011

Blue Funk

I do believe I am in a blue funk. I look around and see all the productive people and wish so hard to go back to being one of them. I am not sure what the plan for my life is right now. I have a plan of where I want it to go but so far all my efforts to go that way have not worked. Maybe I am to go in another direction. I want to know the way. When I start the day each day at 5:00 am, I want to be heading out to endure the drudgery of an office, to stand at the office water cooler and shoot the breeze about what was on tv last night. I bet most people would like to have the freedoms I have now, but I don't know...I miss the same thing, different day of it all.

I do believe I am in a blue funk. Time can make you inactive. I come now to dread each morning. I have things to do. Important things that involve my family but I want more. Everyday is new and a new start but what am I starting?

I smell the perfumes and colognes of other people as they enter the coffee shop, suited up for a day in the office. I used to be one of them. One of them for most of my life. Six months away from that seems more like a lifetime. Odd. Six months away seems harder than the 18 years of being a suit. Odd. I am in a blue funk. Waiting for it top clear. It needs to clear. I am ready for it to clear. It is about to bring me down.

Down into the depths of blue. Down into the depths of blue to maybe drown. Right now I am paddling away from the pull of blue. Its' pull is strong and at times it brings me too close to the abyss. I do believe I am in a blue funk. I need to get out. I want to know how.


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