January 24, 2007

Christmas is Still Here

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

Well, just so you know,my house still had full christmas decorations up. Trees, wreathes, garland, lights, everything. Since my father died (three days before christmas) and was not here to celebrate christmas with us, my kids vowed not to have christmas. They decided that on their own. We did not even open presents. Finally last weekend, we opened gifts. I had to convince them to do it. I spend about $500 on their christmas. Those gifts needed to be opened. Well, of course it did not feel the same. We took pictures and tried to be cheerful, but the cheer was gone. Now I have no desire to take christmas down. If I do, it will mean that my father really is gone. We are not waiting for him to open the door and have christmas with us.

I have been trying to remember last christmas . So very hard. I have been trying to remember so hard that my head hurts. I can't seem to recall much. I remember him being sick with a bad cold or was that the year before? I remember that I was using the video camera. That will be our last christmas with him. I want to pull that tape out. Maybe not just yet, but soon. His birthday is in February. I think that I will take that day off. I know that my mother will want to go to the gravesite.

I am so glad that the gift that my child bought was able to go with him. She was so sad about that. She had gone christmas shopping for some hankerchiefs for him. He always used the cloth ones. We let her put them in the coffin with him. She was happy with that. Death can take away all all the spirit in a body, just leaving a husk or a shell. That is what I feel like. I just wich I could see him one more time in the flesh. Just once. Just once.


Just once!


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