January 29, 2007

What Not to Call Your dog!

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy", I call mine "Sex".  He's a great pal but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.


When I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex.  He said, "I'd like one too!" then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like.  Then I said, You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old. He winked and said, you must have been quite a kid.


When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me, I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex.  He said, you don't need a special room, as long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do, I said, look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night, the clerk said, Funny, I have the same problem.


One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away.  Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed, I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest.  He told me I should have sold my own tickets. But you don't understand, I said, I had hoped to have Sex on TV, he said, now that cable is all over the place it s no big deal anymore.


When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.  I said, your Honor, I had Sex before I was married. The Judge said, the courtroom isn't a confessional, stick to the case, please. Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me, he said, me too.


Last night Sex ran off again.  I spent hours looking around town for him.  A cop came over to me and asked what are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock I the morning? I told him that I was looking for Sex, my case comes up Friday!


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