April 22, 2007

Indian Giver

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

The Indian giver has come out or is about to. I remember her from years ago. Whatever thing my mother gave me, if she decided to --for whatever reason--she would take it back. Anything. Food, clothes, Whatever. The last time she tried that was in the early 90's. It goes way back.

My grandfather lived with us right before he got really ill and had to be placed in a nursing home. He was using his furniture that was massive wood furniture from the early 1900's or earlier. Well, he died just about the time I was finishing college and I had no furniture to put into my apartment. Mom would not let me have my bedroom furniture that I grew up using. She was into her mood and said that I could have nothing of hers. She was giving me nothing at all to move out with or start out with. (can we say evil bitch?) I could have my grandfathers furniture since it did not belong to her. So I moved out with just bedroom furniture. No chairs, sofa, dishes, curtains. Nothing!

I had nothing for a long time. I finally did ask my father to cosign for some furniture for me and he did when my mother was out of town. She was livid when she found out. That he had lifted a finger to help me. Well, I had the old furniture and I cleaned it up and got it looking presentable. It is still what I have now. In the early 90's she came to where I was living and saw that old furniture, now looking very good. She then said she wanted the furniture back. I told her she was not getting it back as I was told it was mine. I could not have anything from her house so I left with just my grandfathers furniture. I told her it was never a loan. She claimed it was. I told her it was never a loan and she was never getting it back.. She had not claim to it. That was the end of that.

After that time, she would mention on and off that I should sell the furniture and get new. I told her never. I was quite happy with my antique furniture.

My father died in December and she just gave some money to my brother and I from his estate. She gave me a check last week. Well, today is Sunday and since that time she has watched all my comings and goings. If I come in, empty handed she wants to know what I bought. Obviously nothing as I have nothing in my hands. Tonight I went to Barnes and Noble just to get away from her and to get a break from the constant dribble. After about 30 minutes, she wanted to know what I got there. Told her I just went to look around.

We have an agreement that I am to assit with some bills. I am not working now partly due to her and while I have not helped with bills. ( I just moved in about 3 weeks ago), I have helped with everything else. I run this house, do all the cooking, cleaning and drive her whereever she needs to do, do the gardening, help take care of her dog. I am contributing more that you know. Her suggestion? That since I am spending my fathers money that I give it to her. Pay her now for bills. I told her no. That money has not been touched and that I will not be able to help her with bills until I begin working. I can't. I have cobra and dental bills and all the final bills from my old place now due.

I felt really like I was in a place of mind and spirit that she used to keep me in all the time when I was a child...beatdown and with no option. That feeling came back when she said that I needed to give her my inheritance back. Just give it back. After being upset for about an hour...that was my purpose of going to Barnes and Nobel..to get away, I realized that I have an option. To stand by my NO! I have the money. She has no way to get it back. I am not writing her a check. That old pattern is not going to repeat now. I am going to stand firm. If you do not, it lets evil bullies like her know that they still have the upper hand. She does not have that power over me any more.

Evil. Evil is real and it is my mother.


  1. While searching the internet for the term "indian giver" I found your page. I wondered how you could put yourself in the same home as the woman known as your mother. Your mother sounds similar to mine, although mine would never give me an inheritance check. Abused, neglected and rejected by my mother; I decided long ago that there was no way that I would ever have any contact with someone who would consistantly seek to harm me in any or every fashion. My mother is beyond evil, evil seems to kind a word. I suggest that you remove yourself as expeditiously as you can and stay away. You are her scapegoat and she seems to enjoy taking out her frustrations on you. It may sound harsh, but the love you seek will not be found through her...It will only come from you and you alone. Leave her as if she was an abusive boyfriend, because she is an abuser. She uses emotional blackmail to gain your compliance. You need to show her it will not work with you anymore. I suspect you are worth more than the crap she deals to you. Get out...You will be so much happier. If you believe she is evil, she probably is and you need to leave evil behind. Please feel free to email me @ seedmoon777@yahoo.com. It sounds like we have something in common and I wish you well on your independant voyage. Blessings, Kimberly

  2. Kimberly: All the things you have said are true. she is just like the abusive boyfriend. the difference is that now I am strong and not a little girl who was defenseless. I am not seeking love from her. That ended when I was a child. I am not seeking anything from her at all. She is my biological monther and I feel some sort of obligation to take care of her as she is elderly. She does not have anyone else close. I can do that. I can take care of her as I have reconciled long ago that we will never have the relationship as mother and daughter. I can be a caregiver , just like any other person who works in a nursing home. It is a job I feel I can do. Now all the crazy stuff? That is dealth with immediately and with steep opposition from me. So she is the one who is not getting anywhere with all that. I squash it like a bug. She is trying to control and has lots of ways she tried. I just ignore and do what I need to do. Can I take it forever? I do not know. I know that I can be here for now. I may have to move later, but for now it is okay. It is a situation that I monitor all the time.