September 14, 2011


Motivation seems to be lacking in my right about now. Not sure why....maybe it has been the months of feeling not so good. I think when you get out of a stressful situation you might not be aware of the stress you were under until it is all over. Then you feel it, get sick and have to get over it.

When I left my job in April, I was under a lot of stress. From work. Having a terrible boss will do that. He was controlling and very manipulative. He was beyond words and every single employee who has left AFTER me has told me the exact same thing..without me even broaching the subject. He goes through a lot of employees. The turnover rate is extreme but he does not care. He just chalks it up to's all a numbers game to him to find good people. He just had not found them yet.

When I left I was having irritable bowel problems. That is something I developed due to stress some years ago. I only have a flair up when I am stressed. It takes a long time to get it under control. It is now.

Mentally I feel so much better. I never knew what a relief it was not to go to work there. I could feel the relief that first week of not having him to deal with. If the relief is coming off one in waves, that was a clue I should have left there long before that!

When I look back that has been my problem I stay in bad places too long wanting them to get better. Hoping they will get better and they never do. I am an optimist. I see the good in most things and people, even if small and hold on to that. Against my better judgement.

So now I am not motivated. I want a great position, with great coworkers. I know that position has to be out there. For now, I seek. Waiting for the perfect one. I know there is a plan for my life but right now I just do not know what that is. I have always had a plan and a direction. And knew where I was going.

For the first time now, I feel adrift. Adrift on the sea of life, with a paddle but no map. With time I will find my way. With time I will find my way.


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