Third Eye Clarity

Snapshots In My Time...Of My Time.....Hauntings.


With my third eye I see what I am today.
Today I am a wagon wheel.
I am in the inner spoke.
I am the center hub.
Radiating out from me are jagged, crooked paths.

A woman with her third eye open is a woman who can see.
A woman with a third eye open can be all that she can be.
A third eye makes reflection the order of the day.
Reflection on those jagged spokes, the pathways to who I am today.

I have the time cause it is nearly noon.
And I have all afternoon.
I sit in front of the big wide ocean and face all there is to face.
I lay to rest and put behind and burrow deep within my chest.
I hurl to the bottom of the great abyss, things never to surface again.

My two eyes are getting clear again,
The scales are falling away.
I owe it all to my third eye.
Third eye clarity.
It is the only way.

No Call, No Think

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

He has not called. Thursday was our day. It does seem easier. Just a little. Anyway.
Today I will have a meeting to go to. My mind will be occupied. For awhile.

He has not called today.

Thursday was our day.

Bewilderment!

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.



Why does it happen when the heart gets a jolt?

I am in bewilderment.

After 12 years he has gone. Snap!

Just like that!

Weeping and wailing and pining away.

That is how I spend my days.

Bewilderment.

I am being swept away.

I want to call.

I watch the phone.

I want to love.

Maybe.

Just maybe, my bewilderment will be over by May.

New Each Day

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

The new year is coming and my things seem old.
I want a new beginnning, if the truth be told.
How do I get that?
I am in the same old rut.
I wonder how to do things different,
I am ready for a change.
The same, the same, the same.
My routine seems set for SAME.
I feel a breakout coming.
I just wonder how.
I want a needed breakout and I want it NOW!

The new year is dawning.
We are in it's eve.
The new year is dawning.
A new beginning is about to come.
I want a new beginning with some excitement and dash.
I want a new beginning.
Let's go...I want to dash!

5 Comes Early

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

Five comes early.
Five comes early when you can't sleep.
Why? Just anxious about the day or stressed about bills to pay.
Sleep is always just out of reach, sitting over there having a cup of tea.
It looks at me from time to time, looking at it's watch......waiting for five.
Five comes early.

Five comes early when it is three and sleep finally decides to get into bed with you.
Tea? It has had enough tea. It wants to sleep.
Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.
It wants to sleep and sleep past five.
Five comes early when you go to sleep at three.
Sleep fights at five. Why?
Because.
Five comes early.

Five comes early as you roll out of bed wondering if you ever really slept.
Dreamless, haunted and lifeless, the day begins.
Sleep taunts you all throughout the day.
It snubs it's nose at five. It wants to stay and stay it does. All day.
Five comes.
Five comes early.

Five.
Comes.
Early.

Far, Far Away

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

Weary to the bone, I look to a new day.
Whay, far away, far far away.
It will be the mental distance that will be good.
Chaos can't enter your brain if you are not physically near it.
I can shut it off.
I can hang up.
I can leave.
Chaos.

It does not a body good.
I think I have finally had enought. Well.
It was a long time ago.

I finally realize what a friend told me.
I might not be the one to help.
I am not.
Sad, but true.
All my efforts and constant forgiveness mean nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
She thinks I am nothing.
Always had and always will.

Hard to take but it is true.
Not all women should be mothers.
Not all mothers are good.

Weary to the bone, I look to a new day.
Far, far away.

Change

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

Change is a hard thing.
It taxes the mind and soul.
It frazzles the nerves and jaggles old thought patterns.
Resistance is ugly and trying and viscious.
Even more so when thinking is only one way.
With no room for options and no flexibility,
one really becomes a great liability.
It makes you crazy.
It hardens your mind.
Sad.
Constance resistance means stife
Day in and day out for no reason.
Discord and out of sortedness
is the front and center order of the day.
It drains my soul.
Escape is my way of finding solace.
Escape is my way of finding sanity.
Change.
Just bend a bit.
Happiness may come your way.

Found Treasure

Snapshots In My Time...

Of My Time.....Hauntings.

A day at the beach is a wonderful thing. I was having a very bad morning due to the evil one. I was able to escape for about 3 hours and I went to the sea. I have found that if you take all bad things to the sea, you can leave then there in the depths of the deep! Deep breathing and focusing the wind and the horizon made me a new woman. Her pettiness was washed away and it did not matter anymore. Now shallow some people are.

I wallowed in the waves.
I blew in the wind.
I grew dizzy watching water swirl around my ankles.

I was.
The.
Sea.

And it was me.
I was the sea.
It emptied me.
It filled me.
It happied my soul.

I flew like the birds.
I captured the wind.
I rode on its' roar.

I was the sea
and it was me.

I.

Was.

The.

Sea.

War of the Ginger Snap

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

Ginger snaps by the bag in the cabinet for all.

Over three days I noticed the bag gonig soft, getting stale.

Eating began, just a few a day.

Gingersnaps gone.

Snap.

Good thing as the one who owned was complaining about her weight.

Happiness should be the thing as the ginger snaps were gone.

Instead, confrontation...Who ate the snaps.

I confessed eating only the last 10 or so, soft and about to go stale.

Confrontation...I was eating them slowly a few at a time.

Solution.

I would buy more.

Have they been touched?

No.

Confrontation just for confrontation sake.

I will not let the bag go bad.

I will not buy anymore.

Snaps have been replaced so eat up crazy!

Eat your crazy snaps!

Make it quick or I will snap!

Snap!

When Love Goes

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

When love goes and leaves a walkless void,
Eveything
in the world.

Stills.

Paralysis of body and mind.
A freezing of time.
A lengthening of silence
between beats.

In these spaces,
I exist.
Knowing where love goes.

World Dribble

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.


Today more but different.
Dribble of the world.

Putin is going to take over the U.S. government and one day we will wake up and someone else will be in power.

I don't want to eat anything from China. Too many people over there. Too many people for them to be clean. They are dirty people.

Jim Jones is the devil. Satan.

Bush is the worst president ever. I can't wait for him to get out of office.

Most of the followers of Jim Jones were ignorant and uneducated. He would have to cut off all my fingers before I signed a paper giving him my children.

I get so sick of hearing it. Opinions convoluted with a few facts. Twisted into thoughts that make no sense. Dribble.

I think world dribble is the worst. A little knowledge CAN be a dangerous thing.

It can caused dribble which can be dangerous to the ears.
Dribble.

World Dribble.

Constant Dribble

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

Constant Dribble. I hear it all day.
Drib this.
Drib that.
Dribble.

Dribble about race. They are trying to take over the world. They are the devil, you hear me? They have to buy butts because they don't have any. They wear those searsucker pants suits because it accomodates their old butts. They are putting up million dollar homes on what used to be dirt road and a garbage dump. They always like to make fun of black people.

They. They. They.
White Dribble.

More Dribble about race. These men only date white women now. They refuse to give any black girls a chance. They get the worst ones of "them" to date. Look at Tiger. The NANNY! How low. They refuse to respect their black mothers who birthed them. They need to pull up their pants. You call that a man. There is only a prison mentality in the projects.

They. They They.
Black Dribble.

A little dab will do you. For Dribble, that is.
Constant dribble will wear you down.
You can't respond to all that dribble. It is impossible.

How much negativity can their be in one small elderly woman?
I don't think she likes not a soul on this earth.
Not one soul.

About 70 years worth of negative dribble.
Unlike the tide, it does not ebb and flow.
It just flows.

Flows forth in a constant river of negative dribble.
Dribble I don't agree with or want to hear.
Dribble I can't tell her to shut up about.
I would then become part of the constant flow that is always there.

Dribble.
Constant Dribble. I hear it all day.
Drib this.
Drib that.
Dribble.

Inevitability

Snapshots In My Time...
Of My Time.....Hauntings.

The Theory: "Everything proceeds to an unchangeable inevitable pattern. When you know enough about any situation its future is entirely predictable" or "All events are predictable, therefore inevitable and all events are inevitable, therefore predictable".

Inevitability. It haunts me. It is all around me. It washes over me now like waves from the black night sea. I am slowly becoming the parent to my parents. They are becoming the children. I am saddened by their fralities that were all so invisible before. They are glaring and apparent now. It makes me sad.

The favorite ones of childhood are not living up to the pedastles that they were placed on. It is the black sheep who are depended upon. The favorites do not have time for aging parents. The favorites who were graced and given the parents money have turned their backs. They have taken the money and run. Run so fast and so far they will not even call on the phone. They phones only ring on Jupiter.

The black sheep did not get any money and now the money is gone. Even if anyone wanted to now share funds with the black sheep, there are no funds left to give. The black sheep do not want the dependacy. The black sheep do not want any money. The black sheep hate this inevitability. The black sheep feel trapped.

Trapped due to locality. Trapped due to accesibility. Trapped due to inevitability.

Inevitability. With the favorites taking flight to distant universes, it is inevitable that this should cause great anguish and gnashing of teeth by those who put them on the pedastles. This should be a source of satisfaction for the blacksheep...to see the favorites bite the hand that feeds them. To see those hands tremble with fear and dissapointment. It caused glee and great smugness for awhile. What goes around really does come back around. It was good to see others get a kick in the butt. God knows they deserved it and much more.

Glee was short lived thought. Glee was driven away by calls for assistance. Resentment set in. Why me? Why me? Call the favorites and keep calling them. They are the ones you really want anyway. But they won't come, wont' call, won't answer a letter, won't be bothered. Why call me?

Blood ties do not make you family. It simply makes you related. I have family who do not have the same blood as I flowing in their veins. Deperation will make you think that blood ties make you obligated. The favorites certainly do not think that. If so, there would not be calls to me to help with everything now.

Inevitability. I wonder if the will, will be changed to include me now. Many years ago I was told that nothing would ever come my way and my name was on nothing. As the black sheep I accepted that. I did nothing except be born to become the black sheep. Fine. I have made my own way in life. And in many ways did better that the favorites. That did not matter though. The favorites could be ditch diggers and that would be better than a person with a masters or phd. Odd how that works. Odd how that IS the reality. The black sheep have done so much more in life than the favorites.

Inevitability. It haunts me. Most likely it will not change and I will be the one at the reading whose name is not called. I tell myself I am steeled for that, yet I cannot imagine me sitting through that with the others. I might just have to be busy that day and speak to the lawyers later. I can at least spare myself that pain. It is inevitable that even in death you will still be stabbing sharp pieces of broken glass through my heart and eyes and hands.

Help me to make it through this period of inevitability. It is not fair. Being a black sheep for what seems like 50 plus years and now all of a sudden called upon to do like a favorite, without the grace and good wishes of the favorites? It is not fair. Life is not fair.

It is inevitable. That's me. Haunted by inevitability.